The Oral Experiment...

Photographer: Carl Johan Rehbinder - Sweden

A few weeks ago, my partner and I decided to do an Oral Sex experiment.
We wanted to find out how our sex life would be affected when we abstained from intercourse, but replaced our daily lovemaking to daily Oral Sex Rituals instead.
 As you know I am a Sensual Massage Therapist and a Tantrika, I work with men, women and couples on enhancing their sex lives through mindful touch etc etc...so I figured that this experiment would benefit my research and help others too.

Now, I am a once or twice a day kind of girl, I love sex with my partner, and I orgasm with penetration, so for me it was going to be interesting to see if I could keep my spirits up with just oral sex.  When I say "keep my spirits up", I mean that literally, if I do not orgasm daily or have intercourse and connection regularly with my partner I can quite easily slip into depression.  So with an open mind and a willing heart I decided to give this "Oral Sex only" experiment, one week only.

For me receiving Oral, is a gift...most of you would have heard the saying "he played me like a violin", well that is how it is, to get teased and turned on with lips, tongue and teeth, and don't forget those fingers...
Oral Sex is such a great avenue to take in learning how to truly receive, and communicate your needs...
As a recipient to Oral,  you  get to lie back and enjoy all the yummy sensations that your play partner/lover, pulls out of his or her toolkit.  

A word on communication:
This is your chance to let him or her know what they can improve on, and also give affirmation to what they are doing that is already awesome.  It really is important to be honest with each other here.  You really wouldn't want to perpetuate bad technique by keeping quiet, you are the one that will be losing out. "Faking it", has the same effect, if you pretend that he or she is taking you to that happy place they will keep on doing that thinking they are on the right track, so you will then keep getting the same.

I am pretty vocal, and quite confident in subtly informing my man when his efforts are extremely pleasurable or not, by moaning, deep breathing or moving my hips closer to his mouth. He is the same, when it comes to his oral pleasures... I have been told that I could suck harder, be rougher etc, so much so that one day I sucked him so hard he got a small bruise on his cock, which he wore like a badge of honour for days until it disappeared, and every time I saw it, I laughed so hard...but that is communication for you.

A note about cleanliness:
For a really juicy session it is so important to be clean and showered, my partner loves giving me oral especially when we haven't exchanged fluids for a while, so I am really tasty down there, and he can quite happily lick and suck away at my pussy for hours...not joking, one day I think I fell asleep with him between my thighs...we shall keep that a secret between you and I?
After 12 years together, he has worked out which is the best technique to get me to my happy place. Luckily he also has beautiful long fingers that can reach all the way to my cervix, so by combining thoughtful finger thrusting, diligent pussy licking, nipple pinching,  booby massage and delicious belly rubs, I get to my happy place more than once per session, sometimes feeling a little dizzy and dazed from the energy orgasms he helps me create, but pure bliss nevertheless.
( for those of you who just have to complete your session with intercourse, use condoms to keep your enchanted garden free from semenal emissions)

Photographer: Carl Johan Rehbinder - Sweden

What makes for great Oral?
Firstly create a Sacred Space condusive to romance. Declutter and clear the chosen room, light candles or burn essential oils, play sensual music, you may want to place a mattress with a silky or furry throw on the floor in front of a fire. Gather together all your toys, lubes, oils that you think you may need or if you have decided that this is a body only session, leave the toys out, but bring in the oils.  Keep them at arms reach, (once you begin you really don't want to break the connection by running out the room to collect items that you have forgotten - some forethought and intention is needed to make for a truly memorable session)

• Begin your session by lieing together facing each other, looking into each others eyes, snuggling and stroking each other's body to connect.  Decide who will go first.  It is usually a good idea for the woman to be the receiver first, as once men have had their orgasm they are less likely to be in the mood to extend their partners pleasure...(yes I know this may sound sexist, but it is true, the longer you can keep your man horney, the better for you.​

• If there is one thing I have learnt with receiving it's this...

Relax into the Surrender!
Allow yourself to receive pleasure, without feeling the need to reciprocate. This does mean releasing the reins of control into the hands of your lover. (We have been programmed from an early age to take turns, so when bringing this philosophy into your lovemaking you unknowingly create a sense of urgency. Jumping in immediately afterwards, to reciprocate instead of enjoying the afterglow that follows with the gift of orgasm that you have just been given.)

• Get out of your head, still the mind chatter (forget about the bills, the un-ironed washing and any negative ideas of body image you may have of yourself), you already have him or her between your legs, they wouldn't be there if they didn't find you attractive. Basically get out of your own way to discover some new pleasure pathways for yourself.  Honour yourself this much.
• Be totally present to experience this gift of love. Your partner is being present with you, focusing his entire concentration and being on raising the ecstasy within your body.
• There will be times when you will want to touch and pleasure your partner as your body awakens to the bliss that they are creating, but I encourage you to just lie back and enjoy all of the sensations. Sure you can run your fingers through their hair, or stroke their skin, but focus on your sensations. (Your sensations may dim if you allow yourself to lose presence.  You can do a 69 session another day, just not today.)
• Watch your partner, make eye contact, you will notice they will look at you, to gauge your reactions to their administrations...be vocal, don't just lie there like a limp biscuit. Your partner is not a mind reader, so if something he or she is doing is pleasurable let him or her know, be honest, be nice you want to encourage them to become a better lover, not bruise their ego so much that they give up altogether...  Make authentic sounds, if he or she is pleasing you, sound increases energy and orgasm (remember no Faking, you wish to improve your sex life, not stagnate it).
• It is important to note that not everyone can reach orgasm through Oral, but don't be discouraged. Keep trying, Oral Sex is certainly something that increases your connection with each other, and can help to bring you closer. If all your partners attempts fail,  a sex toy may be included to help with your orgasm, but it is important to note that toys can desensitize the yoni by using them too much, I have found with my work with women that they can become a crutch.

Photographer: Carl Johan Rehbinder

During our week long Oral experiment, we found ourselves feeling like teenagers again. Remember those days, when we were too young to have intercourse but found lots of way to pleasure each other?
I used to call this "heavy petting".

We enjoyed bathing together before our daily Oral Lovemaking Ritual, even playing with each other in the bath tub, soaping each other down, and lovingly teasing each other, washing each others backs, fronts and genitals slowly and lavishly.
During the day we found our touch extended outside of the bedroom, with lingering passionate kisses whenever the opportunity arose.  We held hands more often, cuddled and stroked each other as we passed each other in the house or the garden.
We were so turned on, so connected and we felt even more in love by the end of week, anticipating and the craving the time when we could fully consumate our love for one another.

Feedback on the experiment:
I asked my partner yesterday for his feedback on the experiment, he said that he had really enjoyed the experience of eating my pussy night after night, but by day 3 all he wanted, was to get in there "Balls Deep".  That's honesty for you, I expect nothing less.

For me, I really learnt a lot about myself, I realized a lot about my partner, I felt even more in love with him, (I know us chicks are pathetic, we put an emotional spin on everything), but I too really craved the feel of his hard cock for days I wanted to chuck the experiment in, because for me I only really connect with my partner when he is deep inside of me.  I would never give up Oral Sex, not in a heartbeat, for me its a package deal.  I am a greedy girl, I want it all! but it was something different for us, a different way to connect, on many levels.  I really enjoyed the fact that instead of our lovemaking being kept in the bedroom it had extended into our daily life.  I would encourage you to try it.  It does take some time and commitment, but well worth it.

The best thing about the act of Oral service...You the receiver get to just chill back and fully receive without any need to reciprocate (apart from noises of rapture and pleasure).  It is super relaxing, great for the immune system, you get right into your breathing, its a meditative connection and you can learn a lot about yourself, your desires and your partner, because the way he or she plays with you is normally how they like to be touched too* (unless of course they are a different sexual archetype to you, but that is another blog post).