You know you are a massage therapist when...

I had one of those "open my mouth just to change feet" occasions recently...at my cousin's wedding.

I seriously cannot help myself.  It is probably one of the reasons why I lose friends and alienate people, I know I know... it sounds like a movie.  I think they wrote that one for me specifically.

Last week my beautiful young cousin got married, and I promised myself that nothing was going to stop me celebrating this awesome occasion with her and the very small family that I do have here in New Zealand. (The rest of my family are in the motherland of  South Africa, yes I am a little boertjie at heart. I still have my accent, and I can still roll my rrrrrrsssss.)

As I was getting dressed to go out, I mentioned to my boyfriend, that we should probably watch what we said seeing as it was a "formal occasion", and I have a certain knack of shocking people with my liberated tongue. 
He laughed and said it wouldn't be him that would be the one saying anything dumb....he knows me so well.
You see, I have a habit of opening my huge trap, which sometimes I think it's only function  is to change feet.

I am a confident "sex talker" and it doesn't matter whether I am in a church or a banking queue I don't discriminate, this to my detriment.  People either laugh, are offended or the one's that know me, enjoy watching the blush creep up my listener's cheeks.

 I guess it is the work that I do or just the fact that I was born this way, as in, it is in my D.N.A.
 People that are close to me have said that I should have been born a boy, because I can swear like a trooper and have no problems getting into conversations about boobies , butts and penises...

This kind of conversation comes so naturally that I forget that others are not on the same level. I blame my father who has passed on now,  he had no issues talking genitalia and sex in front of me as a kid, and I picked it up like osmosis. I still remember the first drawing he ever made me, was of  a naked woman with her arms behind her head, showing off her boobs...dear old dad. Anyway I digress, where was I, oh yes..

Most people cannot openly discuss how they are feeling, let alone when they had the last best shag of their life...

So guess what happens when I meet a nice young Afrikaans man from Bloemfontein of all places? Yeah only one of the most conservative towns in the Orange Free State, South Africa...yep the place where everything is done in the dark, with the lights out....except when you are farming sheep or going to Church...

love & intimacy

Roll on, two glasses of Sparkling Villagrad Charminer later, (such yummy stuff I bought a whole case to take home to share with my Athenree homestay guests), I am introduced to a smiling young Afrikaans man with strawberry blonde hair and blue eyes.  He is friendly and charming in a reserved kind of way. He starts filling me on people and friends at the wedding. I quite like him, and I think he finds me interesting, so we decide to sit together and chat. I love listening to fellow South African's, it feels really good to hear their accents again, and I embrace the experience with glee. 

I can feel myself getting comfortable and a little tipsy which is very dangerous, as I feel no fear when I am like this. I ask my shy companion whom he came with, he gestures across the room to his brother, he is the one in the wheelchair. He then tells me of their recent bad luck, his brother is in his early 30's, paralyzed from the waist down after a motorbike accident changed his  mobility less than a year ago. he tells me that they are all still trying to come to grips with the fact that he will never walk again, and yet here is  rolling around in his wheelchair keeping a brave face, smiling, chatting and mingling with everyone.

My tantric training kicks in and I feel my heart immediately opening out to his brother,  I feel strongly drawn to going up to his bro, and massaging his ears and erogenous zones, and having an intimate conversation about things, but I stay put and instead open my mouth to change feet...

 Me: "so how does he have sex?' I ask my new friend,
(He almost chokes on his glass of wine and looks at me with a very red face,)
Friend: "don't you think that is a bit personal?".
Me:  laughing, I look at him, "no, he is young he must be really fucked off if he cannot have an orgasm"
Friend: "well I don't know, I haven't asked him"
Me: "But you are his brother, has anyone discussed this with him?"
Friend: " I don't know, why do you ask these things?"
Me: apologising now, and trying to justify myself - "I am a Sensual Massage Therapist, it's my job to be interested and care, I would really like to know, if he is keeping himself happy in that department, there are ways you know...."

Luckily then, his brother turned up to talk, and our conversation stopped.  All through the night I was getting some really interesting looks from my new friend.  What they were about I wasn't sure.  Later that evening I got to meet a very beautiful bubbly blonde who was introduced to me as the girlfriend of my new friend's brother. This time I got a kick under the table from my partner and  had to really bite my tongue as questions and thoughts were formulating in my little curious mind. 
Questions like, 

• was she asexual? (I know this sounds like a judgement, but some people feel safe being with a person with a disability)
• was she just uninterested in sex?
• or  how did she go about keeping herself sexually pleasured? 
  
• did she have the confidence to talk about these things to her lover?
• did she know about sacred wheelchair sex and all the amazing possibilities?
• had they thought about  bringing tantra and BDSM  into their lovemaking?
• and what did they do as a couple to stay connected romantically and physically?
•  what does she currently do to stimulate her man? (depending on the severity of his injury, he may be able to have an erection and an ejaculation. 

and I wondered if I should be so bold as to give her my number to ring me, if she needed any help. I know, I can hear some of you say, "sex isn't everything, friendship is..." but I know first hand what a sexless marriage can be like and it is not a box of fluffies. 

But I got up and danced instead,  and a little while later, I noticed little brother spinning her around the dance floor "saki saki" style, just like at the Church dances back home.  I guess they have it all figured out.  Little brother is taking care of both her and his boet (afrikaans for brother) in his way. (even if it was for just that night)  And she may be taking care of both of them in return. My heart and love goes out to this trio.

Life has a plan, they all looked happy, I will never know, and I am probably assuming a lot. 
However,  I went home that night and enjoyed the best lovemaking session of my life with my man, thankful for the blessing of having the full use of my body, my arms, legs and breasts, and for his full manhood that I aim to never take for granted.  A little less thankful for my motor mouth.

On closing, because I still had so many questions,  I started doing research on spinal injury, and if anyone is reading this that has a spinal injury or loves someone that has, I apologise for any offense caused by my ignorance or my writing.  I have and will dedicate the time to explore this huge subject and implore those of you who are touched with the trauma of spinal injury changing your life.  Don't give up, there are so many ways to bring passion and zing back into your life.  (link)

Love Pauline
xxx